WATERBOARDING CHRISTIANS

A couple of weeks ago I was at an event with about 2 dozen others who’d gathered for food, fellowship and some motivational speeches and music. A vignette that I watched playing out at that event brought to mind the dangers of what I now call waterboarding Christians.  

I don’t mean that anyone was deliberating torturing Christians, though. I mean that well-meaning Christians were emotionally waterboarding a new believer whose life history makes him/her slow to bring people in and also makes it tough for him/her to handle overstimulation, even of the most well-meaning kind.

Don’t get me wrong, the intentions of everyone were clearly love and support. But it was going too far – getting to the point that instead of offering a cup of cold water to a thirsty believer, they were metaphorically holding his/her head under the water. I wondered, “What’s next? Will someone cut up his/her food – maybe even chew it?”

The risk of waterboarding a fellow believer may be hinted at in Luke17:2 [NKJV], where it says, "It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.”  Implying that someone is unable to do for themselves can be offensive. Even if you have the best of intentions.

There are dozens of scriptures telling us not to oppress the widow, the stranger, the poor. But even if we are well-meaning – just trying to help – an offense of a little one is an offense of a little one.

What does waterboarding a fellow Christian look like? It could be:

·        Offering unsolicited advice

·        Pushing toxic positivity

·        Talking instead of listening – especially about your own “similar” past trials

·        Speaking words that ought to just be left to memes on you Instagram page

·        Jumping in when letting them figure it out is what is best

Can you think of others?

I am not suggesting that we let ourselves off the hook for caring for others. We certainly don’t want to be guilty of the behavior outlined in James 2:15-16 [NKJV]1where it says, “5 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what [does it] profit?”

I am also not trying to impute motives, as you can waterboard someone with the best of motives. However, I think we would do well to ask ourselves about our motivation for how we are trying to help. Is it fear of letting them figure it out? Worry that they can’t do it or might fail? Thinking we could be the savior instead of the actual Savior?

Could it be that Phillians 2:3 is applicable?  Phillians 2:3 [NKJV] [Let] nothing [be done] through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Again,  we must ask ourselves if we are doing what we are doing, pressing unwanted, unnecessary or unhelpful service onto someone else because they need help, because we truly love them OR because of personal ambition or trying to “rescue” them, or the conceit of trying to be known as someone who helped this person?

MATTHEW 10:42 [NKJV] 42 "And whoever gives one of these little ones only a cup of cold [water] in the name of a disciple, assuredly, I say to you, he shall by no means lose his reward."

Romans 12:13 [NKJV] talks about “distributing to the needs of the saints” – not forcing them to accept something we want to give, just because we want to. We must ask ourselves, “what is needed?” and maybe seek some wise counsel.

Some people need space. Sometimes people are easily overwhelmed or have physical, mental or emotional scars that should be taken into consideration before forcing help, gifts, cheery encouragement (or “needed advice”) or unwelcome attention on them.

So, what is the solution? I encourage us to consider the actual needs of our “little ones” in the faith, as well as those of our seasoned members who may prefer not to be swamped by our well-meaning, but misplaced, efforts.

In Matthew 11:28-30 [NKJV] Jesus says, 28 "Come to Me, all [you] who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 "For My yoke [is] easy and My burden is light."

I encourage us to be sure that we don’t burden fellow believers. I encourage us to find out what needs actually need to be met and support in whatever way is needed – including if the need is to have some space. I encourage us to be sure it is THEIR needs we are meeting and not our own.

Giving to others what they don’t need can come from thinking of ourselves over the other person. To avoid that, we can ask the person we plan to “bless” with a firehose of water if they need that or if all they really need a cool drink.

God respects the cool drink as much as any other type of support. [See Matthew 10:42]

Sometimes there will be a “fire” in their lives that requires that hose. But turning it on when it isn’t needed could be nearly as damaging as not helping at all.

Remember to respect others, and their needs, above our own in all things, even in acts of service.

Have you ever been waterboarded by a well-meaning Christian, when all your really wanted was a drink of water? Have you ever been guilty of turning on the firehose instead of just handing over a single glass of cool water?

I’d welcome hearing about your experiences. You can write me in the comments now, or any time at Nancy@DynamicChristianMinistries.org.